Lincoln's Little Problem (Hey Arnold! style)

The Royal Woods Elementary School Bus
Clyde walks in and sits right next to Ronnie Anne with his cookie tin full of prune cookies.

Ronnie Anne: "Seriously? prune cookies? are you kidding me?"

Clyde: "1 of my dads puts them in everything he bakes."

Zach: "Man, Clyde, I notice prunes are the nastiest cookie flavors in the entire universe."

Lincoln: “Actually, Clyde, prunes are enjoyed by other people of all ages and despite the rather of their unpleasant appearance, they’re kind of tasty, not to mention an extra source of iron and a wonderful implement of relation.”

Clyde: “Here, Lincoln, why don’t you just take them?”

Lincoln: “Don’t mind if I do, Clyde, the iron will give me a lot of energy when I accept my award this afternoon.”

Lincoln eats 1 single prune cookie outta the blue container.

Lincoln: “Wow, those are very tasty.”

Royal Woods Elementary School/the auditorium
Lincoln walks around the hallways and eats the entire container and stops by a trash can.

Lincoln: “I guess I was kind of starving.”

Lincoln throws the empty container in the trash can and walks away from it.

[Lincoln’s Stomach Grumbles]

Lincoln: “I think I spoke too soon.”

Meanwhile in the auditorium……

Wilbur: “Now, students, your attention please, students…..”

[Red Microphone Vibrates]

Wilbur: “Now, students, please join me in congratulating the recipient of this month’s excellence in attendance award for the 39 months in a row, I give you Royal Woods Elementary School's own student, Lincoln Thomas Loud.”

[All Royal Woods Elementary School Students Cheering And Applauding]

Lincoln: “Thanks a bunch, Principal Huggins, and thanks to all of you, after all, it’s not just my passion for knowledge in my superior education that keeps me dutifully coming back to Royal Woods Elementary School every single day, it’s also the kind and nurturing environment created by my super good friends and peers.”

[Applauding Continues]

Lincoln puts the red microphone behind his back.

[Farting Sounds]

[Lincoln Gasps In Shock]

Lana: “Lincoln. Lincoln just farted!”

[All Royal Woods Elementary School Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Zach: “Whoa, man, he cut the cheese.”

Lola: “Right into the microphone, that's absurd.”

[Laughing Continues]

Ian: “I think I’m gonna wet my pants!”

Lincoln: “But, you guys, I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me, I swear, it was…it was my sneaker.”

Zach: “His sneaker?”

Ian: “That’s a good 1.”

[Ian Laughs Uncontrollably]

[All Royal Woods Elementary School Students Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Lincoln drops his award and the red microphone on the stage floor and runs off outside.

Ronnie Anne: “Lincoln, wait, come back here!”

Lincoln: “Forget about it, Ronnie Anne, I’m going back home right now.”

Ronnie Anne: “Lincoln, what just happened is no big deal, I’m pretty sure it happens all the time, in fact, I bet there’s not 1 single person we know that doesn’t have an embarrassing uh…fart storm.”

Lincoln: “Well, have you ever done it in public before? you know, passed gas.”

Ronnie Anne: “Not exactly, I mean….not into the school microphone.”

Lincoln: “Then how can you possibly understand the other humiliation about what I just experienced.”

Ronnie Anne: “Well, Lincoln, I know things might seem really bad right now, but trust me, by tomorrow, everybody will forget about what just happened.”

Lincoln: “Really, Ronnie Anne?”

Ronnie Anne: “Positive, Lincoln.”

Lincoln: “Maybe you’re absolutely right, Ronnie Anne, maybe by tomorrow morning, everybody will forget about my little incident.”

Back in the school building
[School Bell Ringing]

Lincoln: “Well, so far, so good.”

Lincoln goes over to take a drink from the water fountain.

[Lana Making More Farting Sounds]

Lana: “Look, everybody, it’s the farter, are you gonna let another 1 rip for us today, little Mr. Farty pants.”

[All Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Lincoln runs away from the laughing.

The school cafeteria kitchen
Lincoln: “I’ll take the veggie puff, a slice of sourdough bread and a little portion of Brussels sprouts, please.”

Lunch Lady Jane: “Are you really sure that’s such a good idea, Lincoln?”

Lincoln: “Pardon?”

Lunch Lady Jane: “You know, Lincoln, 'cause of your little problem, Brussels sprouts are quite gassy.”

Zach: “Lunch Lady Jane's absolutely right, Lincoln, you don’t wanna be farting in front of everybody all over again,”

Lana: “or dropping another 1 of those stink bombs. Ka-boom!”

Agnes Johnson's 5th grade classroom
Agnes: “Now, students, who can come up to our beautiful and special chart of the human digestive tract and tell me which organ is the small intestine and which is the colon, oh, how ‘bout you, Francesca?”

Francesca: “Gosh, Ms. Johnson, maybe you need to ask Lincoln instead, you know, since he’s the ‘digestive expert’.”

[All Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Agnes: “Now, Students, I know you all might think what happened to Lincoln yesterday afternoon is amusing, but I assure you that it’s not, the power of gas is just a perfectly natural part of our bodies’ very special digestive system, it’s nothing to poke fun at and nothing to be ashamed of, now, Francesca, please come up to the front of the classroom and point out the correct organs on the fart.”

[All Students Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Agnes: "Uh.......stop, stop, stop, I mean chart."

The Loud family's house
Lincoln: “So then, during our science lesson, instead of saying the word chart, Ms. Johnson just said….well, you know and so consequently, I decided that I’m never going back to school ever again.”

Lynn: “Well, Lincoln, maybe you need to take a little time before you make up your mind for certain ways.”

Lori: “Why don’t you just stay home with all of us for the rest of the week? by then, you’ll have a much better perspective on this situation.”

Lincoln: “Alright, Mom, Dad and sisters, but I assure you I’m quite positive about my decision.”

[Doorbell Ringing]

Lincoln opens the door to see Ronnie Anne standing right by the doorway.

Lincoln: “Ronnie Anne, what are you doing here?”

Ronnie Anne: “Well, Lincoln, I was thinking about what a tough day you had and I wanted to stop by and make sure everything’s alright.”

Lincoln: “Well, I’m just perfectly fine.”

Ronnie Anne: “Really? that’s good news to hear.”

Lincoln: “Yeah right, ever since I decided that I’m never going back to school, I was doing just fine.”

Ronnie Anne: “You’re never going back to school? Lincoln, don’t you think you’re over reacting?”

Lincoln: “No, I think I’m being perfectly rational considering circumstances.”

Ronnie Anne: “Come on, Lincoln, you really can’t run away from this……this farting thing.”

Lincoln: “I’m terribly sorry, Ronnie Anne, but I made up my mind, as long as the other students continue to regard me as a gas passer, I’m afraid I got no other choice, but to turn the other cheek, no pun intended.”

Lincoln closes the door on Ronnie Anne.

[Ronnie Anne Sighs Depressingly]

Back in Agnes Johnson's classroom
Ronnie Anne: “And he’s totally embarrassed and upset that he’s never coming back to school.”

[All Students Gasp In Shock]

Agnes: “Thanks a bunch, Ronnie Anne, for bringing this very serious issue to our attention.”

[Agnes Sighs Depressingly]

Agnes: “Now, students, 1 of our very own classmates is in super big trouble and it’s up to us to help him through his crisis, I think we should all go over to Lincoln’s right after school and tell him that he’s got nothing to be embarrassed about, I think we should tell him that we really love him and care about him and if he comes back to school, we’ll all forget about his little incident and never speak about it again, what do you say to that?”

[Crickets Chirping]

Agnes: “Alright, if we pull this off, then tomorrow’s movie week.”

[All PS 118 5th Grade Students Cheering Wildly]