Episode 101: Jason Segel transcript

Prologue: The Guest Star's dressing room
Scooter: [Knocking On Door 5 Times] "(Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 19 2nds 'til curtain, Mr. (Guest Star's Last Name)."

Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Scooter, it's been a very long time since I worked with you guys in the 2011 Muppets movie."

Scooter: "You know what they say, it brings back the memories."

Cut to Kermit backstage......

Kermit: "Oh my gosh, I must introduce our guest star."

Cut to the audience....

Hobo Joe: "Boy oh boy, this show's getting good around here."

Cut to Kermit appearing through The Super Muppet Telethon logo.........

Kermit: "It's The Super Muppet Telethon with our very special guest star, Mr. Jason Segel, yaaaaaay!"

[Music In Background]

Rowlf: [Playing On Piano Keys]

[Upbeat Music In Background]

Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music

it's time to light the lights

it's time to meet the Muppets

on The Super Muppet Telethon tonight

Male Muppet friends: it's time to put on make-up

it's time to dress up right

it's time to raise the curtain

on The Super Muppet Telethon tonight

Waldorf: why do we always come here

Statler: I guess we'll never know

Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture

Statler and Waldorf: to have to watch the show

[Music Continues In Background]

Kermit: and now let's get things started

Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started

Kermit: it's time to get things started

Kermit and Muppet friends: on the most sensational

inspirational

celebrational

Muppet-ational

this is where we do

The Super Muppet Telethon.......

Gonzo: [Playing Wake Up Call On Bugle]

Scene 1: Onstage/the introduction
Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, and welcome to The Super Muppet Telethon, that's exactly right, tonight's a very exciting night for the very 1st show tonight, 'cause tonight's special guest star is Mr. (Guest Star's Name), and that's not all, he played the part of Gary Jones in our 2011 Muppets movie, but 1st, it's time for the opening musical number."

Beauregard: "Hey, you guys, just for you to know, there's a toy wind-up robot in the hallway, and we'd better be very careful not to let it run away."

Kermit: "Oh thanks for telling us that, Beauregard, but anyway, here's the opening musical number."

Opening musical number: Jar of Hearts
[Music In Background]

Link Hogthrob: I know I can't take 1 more step 

towards you

 'cause all that's waiting is regret

Denise: don't you know

I'm not your ghost anymore

you lost the love I loved the most

Link Hogthrob: I learned to live

half alive

and now you want me

1 more time

Denise: who do you think you are?

running 'round

leaving scars

Link Hogthrob: collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

Denise: you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice

inside your soul

Link Hogthrob: so don't come back for me

who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around If I am anywhere to be found But I have grown too strong To ever fall back in your arms

I've learned to live, half alive And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me Who do you think you are?

It took so long just to feel alright Remember how to put back the light in my eyes I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 'Cause you broke all your promises And now you're back You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul Don't come back for me Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts Tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul Don't come back for me Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are?