TDAS episode 1: Heroes vs. Villains

(Fade to inside a prison, CHEF HATCHET and a guard walking past a row of prison cells, Chef is carrying a manila folder. Chef walks past 2 cells containing a one-eyed prisoner and what looks like the Insane Psycho Killer with a Hook)

Psycho Killer: I’M INNOCENT I TELL YA! INNOCENT!!!

(The one-eyed prisoner makes kissy faces at Chef and the Guard. Chef’s face grows increasingly concerned when he hears a familiar voice)

Voice: (Off-screen) And the Crusty Cockroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stinkbugs!

Prisoner: (Off-screen) Cram it, McLean! (Psychotic laughter)

(Pan over to reveal none other that CHRIS MCLEAN, wearing an orange jumpsuit locked behind a glass door in a highly secured cell [a familiar looking map of Camp Wawanakwa hanging on the wall], overlooking two bugs staring at each other)

Chris: Lightning slips past Duncan, and the heat is on! Yeah, look at that! That's what I'm talking about! (Finally notices Chef, glaring at him) Well, well, well, look who finally came to visit me after a whole year.

Chef: C'mon. You've finished your sentence for dumping toxic waste.

Chris: (Pouting) Whatever, think I'll stay right here; got everything I need. Including (Pulls out a cashew nut with a drawing of Chef’s face on it) Chef 2.0! I made him from a cashew. (Chef slips the manila folder through the slot into Chris’ cell; Chris grabs it suspiciously) What's this?

Chef: Yo contract. The Producers green lit another season, so you in?

Chris: (Smiles) it is on! (Chris’ smile twinkles)

(Opening Credits)

(Zoom in to Camp Wawanakwa, cut to Chris on the still rickety Dock of Shame)

Chris: Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars. After my involuntary yearlong vacation... I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love ...to hurt. (Evil laugh) It's a condition of my parole. Except for the hurt part, eh, that's all McLean! (Strolls down to the edge of the dock, where the Drama Machine from season 3 is waiting, along with a familiar briefcase) So, I'm bringing back 36 TD All-Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying, Ten Million Dollar competition, ever! (The robot holds up the open case, where the wind blows a few bills away. Chris then addresses an incoming helicopter) and here they are now! From Revenge of The Island, Say hello to...

(The door to the chopper reveals an apprehensive looking MIKE)

Chris: -Multiple Mike! (A hand shoves Mike off the chopper) AKA, Chester, (Mike gasps, switching personalities) –Svetlana (He gasps, switching personalities again) Vito, (His hair slicks back and his eyes narrow) and Manitoba. (Mike seemingly reverts to normal, though Manitoba's scream of “Crikey!” gives him away. He splashes into the water) Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey.

(ZOEY looks worried for Mike)

Zoey: Huh, Mike! (Dives)

Chris: Athletic non-supporter, Lightning!

(LIGHTNING, with his hair still white, looks down at Zoey)

Lightning: You call that a dive? Watch this! (Prepares to dive) Sha-ugh! (Gets booted off by Chef’s foot)

Chris: Bubble-Boy brainiac, Cameron.

(Chef holds CAMERON by his hoodie)

Cameron: This is highly illogical! (Chef tosses Cameron out the door)

Chris: The official gamer, Sam

Sam: Not, (when Chef let go) Cooooooooooool!

Chris: Princess off the spin-off show, Dakota.

(DAKOTA, she is normal at Chef throw away)

Dakota: Hey! Let me,, Gooooo

Sam: I got you Dakota (Sam save Dakota at the helicoper)

Chris: Private Pants-Wetter, Brick! (BRICK scoots to the door) DIVE FOR IT, MAGGOT!!!

Brick: (Salutes) SIR! YES, SIR! (Dives without protest)

Chris: Challenge throwing dirt farmer, Scott!

(SCOTT [now out of the trauma chair from season 4] clings to Chef’s leg in fear. Until Chef pries him off and tosses him out. Chef walks back and grabs DAWN)

Chris: aura-reading beetle whisperer, Dawn.

Dawn: (Looks back at Chef before he can toss her out) you felt unloved as a child, you poor soul. (Chef’s eyes dart back and forth, then he hastily tosses her out. Rushes back in, dragging ANNE MARIA by her arms)

Chris: tan-in-a-can helmet-head, Anne Maria, who gave up a MILLION DOLLARS for a phony diamond!

Anne Maria: (Scowling) if my hair get’s messed up, you’re getting a beat down, Chris! (Chef tosses her out)

Chris: Bossy bruiser, Jo, who dominated until her underling turned on her.

(JO resists Chef shoving her out, and shoves him back)

Jo: You're a dead man, McLean! (Chef body-slams her off the copter)

Chris: (Chuckles evilly) And now, with other, this season 5 have each parts you know, The greatest, smarted and living student, Felix.

(FELIX, which is now understood and jump off.)

Chris: The worst Critical Judge, Kerrigan.

(KERRIGAN, while she scared to jump while Chef pushes with MICHAEL and MALCORE)

Chris: Oh yea, Fliping Junk, Michael and player who quit the show, Malcore.